the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My vagina is very pro this idea
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
