i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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