I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
