And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
