Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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