Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
