Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
