trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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