If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
