I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
