I forgot how hot balto sounded
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
