are you still at the devil's house?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
