Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm getting married
To pizza
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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