Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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