Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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