My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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