Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
