I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My pussy is not your playground.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
