Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Found the puke drawer
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
