i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
