census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize