carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
