wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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