this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
soo... how was my night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
