Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
