I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize