Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
