I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
