is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
