she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
