you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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