so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
