Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
