I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
