Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
