I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
