puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
