dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
