dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
