Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
