I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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