Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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