She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
