people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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