Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
