I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
