Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She's the barista slut.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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