i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
