my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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