Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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