if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
