I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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