I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
50% drunk capacity currently
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
