i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
