I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
