Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize