I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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