Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
