I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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