took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
